Chapter Five: "Desperation and Running Out of Time"
"Yes Koenma? I was just .. what were you saying?"
"Be careful. Don't get too attached to the girl, she's different. And she will be taken to the place were she belongs," Koenma said seriously. "Now, about what you said. I know about these vibrations. All humans have low ones. Any other creatures, instead, have high vibes: from the minute we're born, it's in our blood to know how to control them. You see, there's never been an issue on this matter. It's just something that is. Raine, as you said, hears them. The only creatures that can hear them are the densetsunians, indeed, but even there are many exceptions. Only a person that has an exceptionally high awareness - aware conscience - can hear them. Raine is nothing different than that. Usually, the low vibrations are the ones that harm us. In Raine's case, the high ones is. Such as yours."He pointed towards the fox. "Since she's not used to them, and can't control them, it's an issue for her."
"I understand ..."
"Raine needs training, Kurama." There was something wrong in his look. "With a bit of training, it will never be an issue for her. I want you to train her."
"What are you saying?"
:She could be very useful to me. Yusuke could also train her. Her skills might reach his own.." Koenma turned around, his back against Kurama. "She's too powerful to slip away. As you said, she has the ability to hear the vibrations. Which takes us to the fact that she has a mind that's more than it seems. Also add the typical traits of a densetsunian and there you go." He turned to the fox again. "The perfect -"
"I don't want to hear it! Do you hear what you just said? What about her true father- the densetsunians? She's their heir after all; what are you going to do? We-"
"Kurama," he said calmly. "All it takes is a few words : we didn't find her." All Koenma received was a deadly glare from the fox. "I believe you're smart enough to not get involved with her too much. You'll only get hurt. And you know it."
" What's gonna happen to her .. ?"
"That's none of your business." Koenma shrugged and glanced at the redhead from the corner of his eyes.
"It is my business."
"You are getting too involved, just as I suspected." Kurama left before the toddler said anything else. I know he'll do what's best. For us Koenma thought.
A week has passed since Kurama was told to not hang out with Raine anymore. On Monday, Raine was eating lunch with some of her classmates. The only thing crossing her mind was: Don't you ever shut up.
"Hey Rainie! Why don't you come closer," a redhead gestured. "And talk a bit with us? It annoys me, you sitting there and doing nothing." she said, amused.
Why don't you shove that up somewhere.
A nervous smile crept on her cheeks as she murmed something, similar to 'Nah, I'm busy here.'
" Now, now, she's smiling the next minute," another girl grinned.
I'm gonna die.
"Did you see that guys' clothes? They were so .. strange!"
"Strange .. what way?"
" Black! That's such a ... color." a blonde's features frowned in disgust.
Black is not a color, smarts.
" Oh yeah, yesterday I was also in that club. There was this so-hot-guy, you wouldn't believe it!" the girls continued chirping.
"Yayness," Raine murmed.
I don't feel like anything right now. What's going on with me?
Nothing seems interesting anymore. No more hopes.. well, not quite.
I still .. desire. Wish.. someone. Something..
I'm only human after all, right? I am allowed to be loved, right?
Or maybe not.
I feel disgusted by myself.
I hate.. no!
The moment I will say I hate myself.. I'll never forgive myself from that on. There will be no turning back. No past. I'll lose everything I have achieved.
If I go on with this, I'll just be like everyone else.
Of getting to that point where.. I get desperate. About needing something. Someone. Though it's silly.. isn't it?
Me of all people?
I've always said no. Not me. I don't need and don't care about having a close one. A really close one. Always stood up as a though girl, the though one. And I really felt that way. But right now I'm so sinking into it that it's becoming a forced thought and becoming a lie. Irreal. I'm aware of it.
But now.. I'm overwhelmed by thoughts. For so long I've always thought about everything, before doing anything, before saying anything..
For so long wandering curiously in the universe of -writing-. I'm usually caught drawing, especially writing.. poems, stories, and all sorts.
But right now.. I feel so bitter. Like I'm not worth anything.
Like I don't feel anything.
That melody that once haunted my iridescent emotional dreams, ... at that time I felt so full of life. -Never let myself be brought down- seems so emotionless.
Everything seems emotionless.
I feel like choking.
There's nothing left..
Of my time.
Why do I feel that?
I just want to..
And stop thinking.
Brake away from this pool of thoughts. Always imagining everything before.
Just go with it?
... impulse ?
I don't care, still!
Somehow I'm aware of the fact that, my time is running out.
But where am I heading?
Where am I going?
What am I becoming?
What am I supposed to do?
What am I going to do?
For an alike soul?
For a simple touch..
For an emotion ..
A sharp sound of one's voice awakened the girl. "Huh?" She snapped out.
"We're going out. Tonight. Just hanging out. Do you know if your friend wants to come? Or anyone?"
"I don't know. What are you guys doing there?"
"Well. Beats me," a redhead stated. She continued with a slight smile, "Just for the sake of hanging out."
"When?" Raine said happily.
"Coming? Ok. Well, umm, at about 7. You know, the park near the library. Don't be late!" she chirped.
"I won't." final words.
I'll stop being so anti-emotion on the outside.
I need to hang out with someone.
Do something. Grasp a drop of hope from a void .. a void.. -something- void.
Yes. My worst fear. I'm becoming desperate.
Shattering dreams entwining with a warming tint of sun. A shard of light..
In my heart I know I can't go without. I'm running out of time. Am I heading somewhere?
Stupid. I'm acting so desperate..
Here I am. At the meeting. Where are they?
They didn't come. Why did I come ?
There's nothing to it now. I might as well go home.
Raine was there. Waiting. Like an outcast, a desperate outcast. Walking down the alley, she wanted to go home. She was wearing a dark green blouse, black jeans and black boots that almost reached her knees. It was autumn, so it was a bit cold.
From the slow pace, silenced by the desire of the lack of thoughts, Raine started running, refusing to think about anything anymore. It was like a pile of things she needed to do. And think about. And feel. Before something. But what was that?
Back to that letter.. it had been from some jerk who liked her. And said that he'd like to try with her. What was he talking about? She barely knew him. And.. he also noted in the letter that.. well, yes, strange. That he asked questions about him and her in some tarot cards or whatever, (Raine didn't bother giving it more attention; not that she didn't believe, or did believe, but was too shaken too worry about anything else) that they'd end up together, for years to come. All she could say then was..
flashback (to a week before, at the time when she received the love letter)
>I h- ... I .. How could I do this to myself? I know for one that cards don't lie.. (at that time she panicked) My of all people? Why would I do this to myself ! I already .. like someone. No, that's too .. insignificant to say 'like'. When I 'like' someone, I'm rather obsessed with he person. Not pretty smart, am I? ..
I 'like' Kurama a lot.. and I don't want to get involved with an idiot that I don't even know! Ack. Dammit..
Hmph. That's how loyal I am. Loyal .. Raine almost snorted at the thought. She never thought about it until now. Loyal for nothing. Look at me. There's nothing between me and Kurama and I'm acting like we're married or something. I know he .. at least I think so, that he doesn't think of me that way..
All these good attributes for nothing. Useless.. She frowned. I just wish I'd somehow end up in a community where I could fit in and.. be with someone like me. Someone who understands me. I really don't care about the physical traits. Because I'm glad to say that I'm a self-evolving person, and that I always try to be the best, not to brag about it, but to stay true to myself. Be more open-minded. Help others.. ; I'm tired of going through a way of always hiding, not telling what I think. Being anti-social. Just, receive everything for granted, in one good place, once and for all, because I know I deserve it. That's one thing I believe in, and don't care what others say. A heavy sigh escaped her lips.
She freaked out, her lips escaping a gasp as she bumped into a certain redhead. How convenient. She thought.
"Why didn't you..." she rubbed the back of her head. "Talk to me? We're in the same high school after all. What's wrong?" Ooh. I'm calm. I hope I didn't sound like a left out girlfriend. That's probably the last thing he needs now.. Kurama frowned and lowered his gaze. Better be a good explanation. Either it's really not his fault. Or, .. he doesn't want to be around me anymore. She shrugged.
"Don't, please don't. Not the sorries. Just.."
""I was just too busy.. umm, can I make it up to you somehow? "
"What do you suggest."
"We could go out for dinner."
Raine blinked. "Uh..." she nervously played with her fingers. "I'm really tired right now. How about just.. I don't know, a walk in the park or-"
"Wanna come to my place then? I'll order some food there. Come one. Just the two of us. Promise."
"Somewhat, it sounded tempting. So tempting. Raine was getting more and more nervous..
"Alright," she breathed.
"Let's go." Kurama gave her a smile and softly grabbed her by the hand.
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